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It was a chilling moment when Mdm Kwek discovered that her 13-year-old daughter, Celestine, was talking to an online groomer. Celestine’s lady 'friend' had somehow twisted his way into her daughter’s confidence and convinced her to willingly share sensitive personal details.
While encounters with online strangers might at times be romanticised in modern dramas such as K-drama
Twenty Five Twenty One, it is important to understand how dire the situation might become if things go awry in real life.
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Case Study
In 2020, 13-year-old Celestine started talking to a woman named Carolana on Minecraft. They connected really well, and Celestine felt that Carolana truly understood her. Carolana always seemed supportive with messages such as “You can always tell me anything if it helps ok.” Within two weeks, they exchanged personal information such as real name, age, and family photos.
One day, Celestine’s mother Mdm Kwek read these exchanges and came to a horrifying realisation.
Carolana was actually a man and Celestine was being groomed.
Read more here.
Unfortunately, there are several other adolescents in Singapore who are in similar situations as Celestine. According to a
report by DQ Institute released in the same year, roughly one in five Singaporean adolescents have experienced risky online contact, such as offline meetings with strangers or sexual contacts.
So why exactly are online-cultivated relationships so appealing?
First, let’s examine some myths about online communication and why they are not valid:
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Misunderstandings of online communication could make us vulnerable to the threat of online stranger danger. It is hence important for us to acknowledge the power of the written word and online communication. Once we shed these dangerous assumptions, the next step is to understand exactly how close online friendships can happen.
One way to do so is through the
Hyperpersonal Model of Computer Mediated Communication.
Hyperpersonal Model (Walther, 1996, 2021)
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The core idea of the model is that digital features and limitations can promote personal intimate connections. Such connections, termed ‘hyperpersonal relationships’, form due to the absence of nonverbal cues and the asynchronous (not occurring at the same time) nature of online communication. Let’s return to the example of Celestine and the online groomer ‘Carolana’.
Behind the screen
Unbeknownst to Celestine, ‘Carolana’ has been carefully managing his image. He has time – online communication follows a different clock and rhythm from real life. His words need not match his true feelings as his facial expressions are hidden. For example, he can appear more sympathetic online than he would otherwise face to face. The ability to edit messages allows ‘Carolana’ to say the right words at the right time. Statements like “You are like me and I know you would never mean to hurt upset anyone unless they upset you” are especially powerful since Celestine was seeking emotional support.
On the other end, Celestine makes decisions based on what is presented. In the absence of nonverbal cues, she tends to overinterpret message content and style when making judgements of personality and trustworthiness. The interpretations tend to be positive (and no wonder, given how much effort ‘Carolana’ spent curating his message!).
This idealised image is unconsciously conveyed when Celestine replies to ‘Carolana’. This leads ‘Carolana’ to adjust his online image accordingly which then reinforces Celestine’s initial impression. This creates a self-fulfilling prophecy that repeats itself until the day when the ‘Carolana’ became Celestine’s most trusted confidante – even though they have never met before.
Conclusion
It is time for us to stop burying our heads in the sand and instead, fully acknowledge the draw of online communication. As digitalisation continues unabated, it is more important than ever to know who your child is talking to online. These individuals are not just passing or peripheral influences on your child. On the contrary, they might grow too close for both you and your child's comfort. Therefore, always remember: Online stranger danger is real!
References
Walther, J. B., & Whitty, M. T. (2021). Language, Psychology, and New Media: The Hyperpersonal Model of Mediated Communication at Twenty-Five Years. Journal of Language and Social Psychology, 40(1), 120–135. https://doi.org/10.1177/0261927X20967703
This article is written by our intern, Yong Han, who conducts research & development for Media Literacy School.
Local influencer Naomi Neo plays a Halloween ghost prank on her son Kyzo. She often features Kyzo on her TikTok account. Photo: TikTok[/caption]
A portmanteau of “share” and “parenting”, the Oxford English Dictionary defines sharenting as “the practise of sharing news, images, or videos of one’s children on social media websites”. These include pictures of their new-borns in the crib, happy family moments, and milestones such as the child’s first day in school.
It is an increasingly common trend among digitally savvy parents. Some also create social media accounts for their children to better facilitate the process.
According to cross-cultural research conducted by internet security company, AVG:
Kyzo has an Instagram account managed by his mother Naomi Neo with over a hundred posts and a sizable following. Photo: Instagram [/caption]
Beyond the trendiness, there are many good reasons to sharent:
Local influencer Sarah Cheng-De Winne received backlash for sharing her daughter’s emotional distress. This reignited national conversation on the ethics and dangers of sharenting. Photo: TikTok[/caption]
Most social media platforms bar users under the age of 13 because of the US Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA). The law was passed in 1998 to combat the collection of adolescent personal information amidst a rise in targeted marketing. Unfortunately, the protections do not extend to information that was sharented. This is dangerous as adolescent targeted marketing remains a big market. YouTube and Epic Games paid hefty fines for COPPA violations in 2019 and 2022 respectively. US regulators alleged that these companies illegally collected personal information and used it to manipulate children into making purchases.
Furthermore, constant camera attention might be unhealthy for children’s development. Research indicated that primary school students who were filmed tend to be distracted and self-conscious. The camera creates an expectation of evaluation in the children, and this negatively impacts intrinsic motivation and creativity. Older children might even suppress their natural behaviour and emotions to influence views, likes or comments from online strangers. Emotional suppression has been linked to mental health problems such as depression and should be avoided.
Five year-old Chase loves to hold the GPS when travelling. He loves selecting his favourite car and “navigating” it on the iPad. Occasionally he looks up and matches the surrounding landmarks to what he sees on the tablet. This visual interaction between screen and physical objects trains him to interpret a 3D environment from a 2D screen. Car journeys are much more engaging and healthy with such screen time.
Some other examples of interactive screen time:
While interactive screen time usually teaches better than passive screen time, it is also important to scrutinize the content.
In the digital age where it is difficult to ensure a sterile media environment for our children, interaction and processing is KEY to cyber wellness. Interactive screen-time is a powerful teaching tool for young children today. Do not allow it to shape your child’s mind in unintended ways. You can help your child get more out of technology.
Look out for the parenting workshop “
It is much easier to teach and interest your kids in reading, physical activities, Lego®, board games and puzzles, while they are young, and before they are exposed to digital entertainment. Credit to the design of digital entertainment, they usually displace many other activities once they are introduced.
Ben's parents invest significant time to expose him to outdoor activities. He also has a fair array of toy cars and building blocks to engage him. Furthermore, he helps his older siblings with their pet terrapins and his father’s aquarium.
In contrast, he only gets to play video games at non-regular intervals, averaging about 15 minutes every 2 days. As such, he does not usually ask for digital entertainment as a default option, and is able to create his own play with other toys.
Most parents are forced to adjust their plans because of peer pressure on their children. But parents who plan ahead are less likely to give in compared to those who do not. Ben's parents have decided that a smartphone will only be necessary for him when he reaches secondary school. As such they put extra effort into alternative activities and make plans to help him resist peer pressure.
Ben's older sisters aged 11 and 13 both follow this “plan” and have successfully navigated their primary school years without falling prey to distractions. In contrast, they have developed well in sports, arts and craft, and are also able to understand why they do not have mobile phones.
Ben's parents establish screen-free zones in their home. In fact, all mobile devices are restricted to a charging “dock” at the coffee table. No one brings the mobile device into the bedroom, study room or dinner table. Because digital activity at home is always restricted to certain fixed locations, it becomes less integrated with other home activities and interaction. The absence of digital “triggers” such as notifications reduce the perpetual distractions that come from a mobile device.
This sharing comes from a real scenario of family and friends, with names have changed to protect privacy. All three children in Ben's family seem to be able to regulate their use of mobile devices very well. Even though they interact daily with peers who behave differently, it is clear that the 
Children love the endless choices they have on the platform. From games & music videos to Running Man, there are so much to look forward to. And you do not have to search very hard! Recommendations, special channels, email alerts are pushed to every user. We are entertained whenever, wherever and whatever!
“There is never a boring moment nor an end to the show!”
Who can resist the excitement of chatting with friends & classmates, sharing jokes and videos, all through the FREE app? Group chats help children stay in touch.
Every WhatsApp alert sends a shot of excitement and makes us wonder “who?” & “what?”
“I just have to reach out to check my phone!”
“How many people liked my photo?”
“Who is this new follower on my account?”
“Don’t I look nice in my new selfie?”
“Am I popular?”
Girls are especially attracted to social media!
But it is so distracting! And takes so much time!
Parents need to understand that social media works by getting children (and adults) to click as much as possible.
